tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
