I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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