best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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