And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
