just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
