He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
A+ Viking dick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
