i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
