can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I AM VODKA MAN
Send help, water and tortillas.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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