my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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