is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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