Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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