i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
