Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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