I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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