Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
