I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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