Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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