a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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