Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
