I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
