I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I could make wine with my vomit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
