I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
