Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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