TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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