Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
What drink are we having for lunch?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
