i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
