this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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