Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
