the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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