i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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