I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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