guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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