'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
