I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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