we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
