Cold hands, warm shart.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
