my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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