I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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