I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
