wrigley field is MILF paradise
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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