Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
