Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
