I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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