Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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