the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
