you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
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I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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