someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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