I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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