New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
