So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
