he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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