The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
