Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
