But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
