Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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