What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
