drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Randomize
