How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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