Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found a bag of teeth...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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