So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
