shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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