i think my tv is drunk
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
