o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
