if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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