I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
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So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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