Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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